When will we learn to control?

As I sit here
And slowly close my eyes
I take another deep breath
And feel the wind pass through my body

I'm the one in your soul
Reflecting in the light
Protect the ones who hold you
Cradling your inner child

I need serenity
In a place where I can hide
I need serenity
Nothing changes, days go by

Where do we go when we just don't know
And how do we relight the flame when it's cold?
Why do we dream when our thoughts mean nothing
And when will we learn to control?

These are lyrics from one of my favorite songs, Serenity, by Godsmack. Especially the last paragraph makes a lot of sense to me in this phase of life. Why do we dream when our thoughts mean nothing and when will we learn to control? There can be two cases when our dreamy thoughts mean nothing. One case is when the thoughts actually make no sense and the other case wherein you know that those thoughts are not meant to be. To shut such thoughts out of your mind is not an easy task, since they need a suitable distraction to keep your mind away from them.

Our mind chooses to run blind when it comes to certain requests from within itself. And one of the major examples is when a person is falling in love. No wonder people say "love is blind". What actually happens is that your mind stays blind to certain things which would otherwise make you rethink and reconsider your decisions. By the time you've done the correction and your mind can see the truth, you've hurt yourself and all that you did not see comes rushing back to you like a big tidal wave. This doesn't just apply to love, but to several other beliefs we hold in life. We never really care to investigate properly so as to find out what really is going on. We let our thoughts wander away from the crude reality and it would serve us well to keep this aspect of our mind in control. If we could spend half of this energy on channeling our thoughts in the right direction, we would achieve a lot more.

The question we next arrive at is, why then are we functioning in this manner. The answer to that probably could be that we humans were never meant to be perfect creatures, neither in appearance, nor in behavior. We need to accept that there is a certain imperfection attached to us that we should learn to live with, and not make any complaints about.

Tell me your dreams

Its been just over a month since I put my fingers to the keyboard to type out something for this blog of mine. Life has been busy, what with all the expected and unexpected emotional roller coasters I've willingly and unwillingly been a part of. Several lessons learnt, several lessons out there to learn from and several lessons that are probably coming up in life. As a very good friend of mine always says, "the biggest mistake in life is the lesson not learnt". But all the emotional entries shall remain at the memory bag inside my head. They don't make for entertaining blog posts.

What does make for interesting reading would be the dreams that people have and how people bring out the actions from dreams into reality. Does that make sense? Probably doesn't. So I am just going to dive into my memory bank and draw out a dream that many people seem to have. It goes something like they're fighting on the edge of a cliff and they happen to fall off, and they wake up startled, sometimes screaming shit scared, when they've hit the bottom of the seemingly bottomless gorge. Thankfully, I've not been privy to such a dream in my life. The other deadly dream would involve some kind of snake which appears to bite the person having the dream. This is a dream I've had, and yes, it definitely does startle you when you see a rattlesnake opening its mouth and jumping at your face at the speed of a million miles an hour. At that moment, you know that its time to wake your sorry but disturbed a*** up and go to work.

The other kind of dream is the one where you end up doing something totally silly with or without someone you know. Be it stealing the Indian Cricket team's cricketing gear and brand new attire as a 8 year old kid (and whats more, having mom as an accomplice) or walking miles with a friend to find a restaurant that has been closed down for several months or writing an exam three times in a row in spite of scoring a top score every single time (ah yes, the absolutely baffling triple repeat act), I've done it all - well at least in my dreams. Trust me, the feeling you have at the bottom of your gut is inexplicable. You're left wondering how on earth you manage to come up with such dreams and ideas. And then there are these times when you have the same feeling but you do not remember the dream one bit, so you have no idea why you're feeling the way you are.

A couple of insights into how dreams affect a person's life in reality:

Firstly, if you had the kind of dream where you saw yourself dying, you can reassure yourself that you're going to live a long and ....... life (happy or unhappy purely depends on the bloody fate you have). And secondly, if you had the silly dream, you can be sure that you'll do such silly things in life (at least once before you die). Thirdly, I have only two insights, I said "couple" and I mean only two, so if you were expecting a third insight, then you must be dreaming. If you pinched yourself and saw that it was real, well then there you go, you've had a silly dream before and this is one of the silly things you were due to do in life. :)

Thanks for reading this post. All of you who are reading it surely do have immense patience for extremely non-sensical writing.

Syracuse wants me t(w)oo bad

And its high time I came up with my next post. The best motivation a blogger can get is to be told that a reader misses reading new blog posts on my oh so unimportant blog. But on this occasion, what has driven me to write the blog is a restlessness speeding through my veins. It is a restlessness and sense of nostalgia that has gripped me since I set foot onto Syracuse university campus around the same time last week. By then I had gone back to one of my friends' place and lived one precious day as a student studying at the university. The only difference between this day and every single day back in the time period of August 2008- May 2010 was that on this occasion, I had no deadlines and submissions lined up and I was purely living only the fun part of student life.

What all I would give to get that life back! It is the life where carelessness is the order of the day. You have no one to answer to but yourself and there is this sense of peace in mind that is unmatched by nothing. So now that I've bored you all with some nostalgia that I have been feeling, I shall now narrate to you a strange coincidence which has a very low probability of occurrence.

I had been to Syracuse exactly six months ago in the month of November. The plan was to celebrate Diwali in the place closest to home - Syracuse in my case - with my near and dear friends. I had my birthday to finish off a grand trip and after an emotional roller coaster of a trip, I dragged my sorry self to the airport and was told that my flight was delayed. They wanted me to give them a preference as to when I would like to travel. I sensed an opportunity and told the airlines to book me on the same flight the following day. I felt a joy and sense of relief that made me breathe properly again. Suddenly there was no one strangling my throat squeezing me for breath. I had just gotten a second chance to spend some quality time with those I did not get to spend it with. And so I did spend that one day very well.

So I went back to Syracuse just a week ago and spent some really good time with all my friends there. And on my way to the airport at Binghamton, I felt the same sense of suffocation and shortness of breath. And as I was sitting in the airport thinking about how I had left (apparently) Syracuse for the last time, I saw a beautiful fog engulf the whole town and take away any visibility. Little did I know that it is this fog and the rain that followed which would send me back sooner than ever to Syracuse. And I felt...... [1]okay please refer to line 7 to line 10 of the previous paragraph. I was truly amazed at how I am probably the only guy on earth to get the same wish granted twice. People probably even feel jealous at how badly Syracuse wants to keep me there and does not want to let go of me.

When you do nothing at all

Yes, this title to the blog does sound like this Ronan Keating song which was used for the movie Notting Hill. But the theme for this blog is more on the lines of joblessness at work rather than love or romance. So if any of you are looking for a nice breezy love story or some gyaan about romance and relationships, you can close this page and enjoy the whole song I have given a link to. For those of you who have been and will be jobless at work, please read on since I can guarantee that you will be able to relate to it.

If you were to ask an online dictionary to define joblessness, they would define in one of many ways which include "Having no Job", ""Unemployment occurs when a person is willing to work but currently without work." But my definition currently is "The state in which someone has a job but has nothing to do at work for a particular period of time." I am writing this piece of literature sitting in office only because I am feeling joblessness to its full potential at this very moment. I wish I was as creative as these innovative people, but unfortunately I am not. I prefer to put any little creativity I have to writing out this blog post. It seems like a long time since I blogged, but it was only a week ago that I blogged last.

The other thing I've been doing is use gmail chat to its fullest potential (barring video and voice chat, for they'd strangle me at work if I used those) by pinging all those people I've been out of touch with. It turns out that the number of people I pinged is a pretty big number. But then again, I guess its good that I got back in touch with them. I got a chance to find out how many of them had actually forgotten I existed till I pinged them (just kidding folks, not blaming anyone, don't send me any e-howlers). I also got to know how many people I had forgotten to keep in touch with (not kidding here).

Nobody to blame here, since circumstances are responsible for all that happens in a person's -----Forgive me for this piece of boring gyaan I am giving, its the joblessness thats getting to me! I wish the IPL games would happen from 930AM to 5PM PST. So that way, I wouldn't have to think twice about what can keep me occupied when I am just not in the mood to do work. You folks still reading?? Well, you do have Some patience, I tell ya! In any case, for those still not drooling away on your keyboards, think back to the days when you've been jobless at work, and I am sure you would have done similar things to kill time.

As one great person said, being bored is a precious thing, a state of mind we should pursue; And thats exactly what I've been doing since I walked in to work on this fine day. Oh and there was a meeting that was supposed to throw me off-guard by being one hour long, but as it turns out, it lasted only a few minutes. Murphy of Murphy's law fame is always with me for anything and everything. Lets just hope he isn't with you guys all the time.

Disparity is the order of the day!

What keeps life going? What keeps it interesting and intriguing? Well, my friend had the magic word up as a status message yesterday. Disparity! Some people may disagree when I say that Disparity is the order of the day. The world runs on and is driven by disparity. If there was parity in everything, then life would become monotonous and boring. There would be nothing to look forward to. What would we do without all the small fights and quarrels we get into because of disparity?!

Imagine if your brother/sister and you went to an ice cream shop with your parents. It would be fine for the parents if they got the same thing for both their kids. But imagine that the elder one gets a bigger ice cream and the younger one gets a small cup. Thats when the fun starts! The younger one is gonna start screaming and crying like crazy, and it will eventually end in a fight between the kids. The kids probably are pissed with each other for that one day, but then going forward, they will realize that its these kind of cute moments that add value to your life.

There would be no fun if all the 22 players on a cricket field were equally good. There needs to be one Andy Caddick for every Sachin Tendulkar and one Shaun Tait for every Kieron Pollard. To understand these instances, please watch this and then watch this. There needs to be a Rafael Nadal for every Roger Federer, because only then can we see the beauty and the beast both in action (no offense intended for Nadal fans, he is the best player currently).

Disparity doesn't just fuel fights and problems, but actually also fuels competition and inspires people to aspire to newer better things. There would be no point in having a ranking system without disparity. Whether it is by a creation of god or by the acts of man, one of the main concepts that drive this world is disparity. I would like to recommend this site to all those who would like to explore this concept further.

The will of the Halwa

Its a beautiful day and I am sitting in front of a modern idiot box watching Tony Stark slowly turn into Iron Man. On this very fine day, one of my close friends' parents are flying down from India to stay with their kid. This can mean only one thing for me. No, I am not talking about missing my parents or shifting within the house to accommodate their stay. What I am talking about is gaining weight because of some awesome cooking that is coming our way. Its not just the cooking thats going to force me to bloat, but a whole bunch of sweets and snacks that are making their way through customs at the San Francisco airport as I type this.

I look at the glee on my roommate's face as they enter the house, and at that instant I knew what I was in for. Loads of parental love, home cooked food (I cant but mention this repeatedly, because there is absolutely no escaping it), pampering and sightseeing. Before I can finish writing this blog, I would have eaten a sumptuous meal, a ladoo, a kaju burfi, some Kerala special banana chips and something more that they've brought. I do owe it all to my friend who is shuttling up and down with all the savories that I've not seen in a long time.

What intrigues me is the phase that will follow soon after all the pampering is back on its way to India. We will probably realize that in spite of several attempts to maintain our weight (actually attempts to lose weight would be near impossible), we have actually gained weight and need to work harder than before to lose it. I can smell the Kerala special Halwa sitting on the kitchen top teasing me- (Talking to myself) Stop! you shouldn't be thinking about it! Think about the gym, and how fresh it feels after a workout;How much fun it is to play several hours of tennis and burn some calories- Nooooo! I want to taste that Halwa, this very moment! And as they say, the rest is history. That neatly sliced piece of Halwa found its way through a lot of grinding teeth to settle at the bottom of a very satisfactory stomach that belongs to me.

I don't have too much more to say after succumbing to the will of the Halwa. I concede defeat for a brief period. But I shall, like any other guy would, make a conscious effort to not eat the Laddoo that is now teasing me from inside the refrigerator. :)

Calls and its pitfalls

I've been instructed by a very good friend to write something on a lighter vein for this post. And so I shall abide by the wishes of this request from an ever jovial soul who never fails to lighten up my mood. But the question is, what to write about(or 'right' as this friend of mine weirdly writes). Whenever I have this dilemma, I turn to uncyclopedia and I am never disappointed because I always turn up with a topic to write about.

Phone calls seems to be a teaser of a topic. Phone calls, or just calls, range from being used for the most mundane of events to conducting meetings. I used to wonder how coherent conversations could be conducted over phone calls that involved members of a team from all parts of the world, but off-late I've realized that it is not too difficult after all. All you have to do is say hello and then mute the mic of the phone at your end. The monotony of it all may sometimes overwhelm you, but you realize in time that its completely worth it. Just to confirm your presence, you need to unmute the mic every now and then and sprinkle the meeting with your ideas. Its not like they're dying to hear you speak - or are they actually desperately waiting for you to speak so that they can mute their own phones?? Hmmm... fruit for thought people.

Go into the next tele-meeting that you attend thinking about this very thing, and I assure you that whether the others mute their phones or not, you will be dying to have them mute it and only then will you realize that by reading this blog, you've just become a product of my insane ideas. But think again- did you give in to insane ideas or did you just figure out a nice way to get work done when you were in a meeting. It always works for me. :)

So what else do we use phone calls for? Oh yes, I have known some people who make phone calls just because they have free calling on their plan. They discuss events so obvious and mundane as how big their footprint on the sand was and also how many steps they took in going from one building to another while going for lunch. Frankly, does anyone care if you saw Elvis Presley's photo on a website?? Or does anyone really care if you want to desperately talk about whether you should return a missed call or not. Just return the call already! You don't need to be told by someone else if that was a call with some evil plan in mind or whether it was just some friend trying to reach out for something.

And then nowadays, there is this category of people who use data plan on their phones. Oh boy, you people should be hanged! How can you kill so much time on something like facebook without actually posting something?! You should be able to figure out that we have some brains and can guess that you are doing something fishy. LOL! I just can't imagine dabbling away at the smartphone without doing anything useful. I appreciate the patience you people have in doing something that does not serve any purpose. In some cases this satisfies the whims of a few people, but beyond that, you only increase the price of your data bill.

So getting back to the phone calls, oh well alright! My friends think this is already long enough... So I shall stop here and congratulate all of you who just wasted a few minutes of your precious time on this sensible yet senseless blog. At least you looked away from your smartphones/dumb-phones to do something different.

A Rhythm Of Chaos

Many of us know what chaos theory is. For the uninformed, it is also known as butterfly effect and states that any minor change today will cause a world of difference sometime in the future. You don't need a movie with Ashton Kutcher to understand how true this is. We can see it in our daily lives, lingering around us. Our every word, our every action, our every second of life is the cause which has an appropriate effect associated with it. And in this vein, my blog today will discuss how I've seen events unfold as an effect of actions in the past.

You see a smile and you like it, so much so that you're smitten by it. The mistake you make is that you fail to see whats going on in the mind behind that smile. Little do you know that there is a scheming, careless and cunning mind residing there. Like killing a bug that would change things in the future, you kill the brain cells which are urging you to be practical enough to see the real picture. And this action leaves you lamenting what has happened for the rest of your life, wondering what mistake you had committed but give such importance to a good smile.

You charm people with your wisdom and advice, and unwillingly but yet willingly accept followers to your thoughts on life. You take it a tad too far by stepping into what looks like public property, only to later realize that a part of it was privatized without your knowledge. Before you realize and apologize to the owners of the privacy, you are waiting to be stung by the unexpectedly high number of bees thrown at you, not filled with nectar, but instead filled with venom. You have now learnt your lesson on how wisdom is better kept to yourself rather than sprayed out into the open.

You show concern towards tender beautiful things which could get hurt at the slightest hint of stinging words. Little did you know that the same concern was never intended to be returned in kind. Instead, what you get is the return, with interest, but in the form of a huge pile of crap that you cannot handle. It will make you rethink what your beliefs are, what your definition of trust is, and push you to the edge of impatience.

The one thing that is common to all this is the fact that you learn to live life in a better way. Your lessons in tact, your brain is only equipping itself with additional toolkits to tackle more difficult situations with elan and calm both at the same time. You may deviate briefly, but you straighten the path life takes and kick it back into rhythm, amid all the chaos that spans this world.

Living my life and only mine

One whole day, spent all by myself sure did give a me lots of time to introspect. Sometimes I think its good to sit alone at home with nothing to do. Its only then that you realize that there is actually something you can do at home, like cleaning it. You get to listen to just the kind of music you've always wanted to listen to or watch the movies you like to kill time on. Its a good thing to be bored sometimes, you get to appreciate the value of free time.

What I got to do over this past day is something that not too many people get to do these days. I lived my life only for myself and did not have to do anything that was constrained by events, people and work. I enjoyed cooking again, especially making rasam, which has always been one of my specialties. I listened to Iron Maiden and did not have to worry about anyone around me not liking the kind of music they shell out. I cleaned the house in my own way taking all the time I could get. I watched football and cricket and volleyball. Just goes to show how many things a person gets to do when they get their own free time.

It is on these kind of days that you get to reassess where life is heading. A clarity of thought usually sets in and one's mind gets recharged to tackle the everyday problems that one is thrown at. After almost several months, I had a day where I spoke on the phone with almost no one. There were no incoming or outgoing calls to my phone and there were hardly any conversations from my gmail-chat. Just goes to show the busyness in people's lives and also points out that not everyone remembers everyone, during a typical day in their life.

I go to sleep at the end of this rather uneventful day with a huge loaf of satisfaction down my throat. This feeling owing to the fact that I am doing one other thing that I usually don't get too much time to do, and that is writing another post for this blog. I hope and expect that people don't waste any opportunities to live their lives for themselves every once in a while, and stay away from the white noise that they include as part of their daily routine.

Yu(vi) little Beauty!

Its a good feeling to watch India making sure that the Aussies will not win the World cup for the fourth time running. Its an even better feeling to stand in office with a couple of other guys and watch the match on a laptop. The excitement needs to be controlled since we do not have the freedom to scream out our feelings, and this adds to the nervousness of the moments. With no nails to bite, I was ready to bite off the skin on my fingers as Yuvi and Raina started to rebuild the chase. Every ball, we cheered, every run we celebrated and with the target getting closer, we drifted closer to the edge of our seats. We were not going to fall off, but rather were gearing up to jump off the seats and rejoice in the victory that was soon to follow.

The era of Aussie domination in cricket had officially come to an end. Ironically, when Steve Waugh had the record for maximum number of consecutive test match victories, India ended it with the help of Very Very Special performances by Laxman, Dravid and Bhajji. Its good to see that on this occasion, the youngsters took the mantle upon themselves and clinically sent the champions packing. The match started at an odd time for me- 2am PST. Being the lazy fellow that I am, I woke up to see Ashwin bowling the carrom ball to Shane Watson and figured that sleep was more important than watching the men in yellow scoring some runs.

I cannot explain how glad I was after finding out that I had slept through a Ponting century. Frankly, I hate the guy for his attitude and gamesmanship, so I wouldn't have enjoyed even a single moment of it. So I got up to a sensational pull shot from Sachin off the bowling of Mitchell Johnson and thought that Sachin would end up scoring a revenge-century against the Aussies. I thought I'd be able to watch God score his century by the time I got to office, but I was disappointed to find out that he had nicked one to the wicket keeper soon after his 94th half century.

When I heard that Yuvi was playing well and stabilizing the innings, I was driving at an insane speed of 35mph on highway 101, thanks to a few thousand cars with brightly glowing brake lights feebly visible through the heavily drenched windshield of my car. The wipers were in full swing and were frankly going faster than the speed of moving traffic on the freeway. I was thankful to any cars heading off towards the exits, freeing up traffic for me. I was not disappointed after all the delay as I still got to watch Ponting get taken down by Yuvi. As I can see it, Yuvraj now has the right temperament and is in the right phase of his career, having tasted the good, the bad and the ugly aspects of being a star.

With Sachin slowly but surely heading towards the end of his career, I think its about time the Yuvi era took shape for Indian cricket. The lucky charm called Yuvraj Singh keeps rolling- When Yuvi scores, India wins. Hoping for two more MoM performances from him in this World cup. Anyone in the US planning to sleep on the night the match between Ind and Pak takes place next week? I shall plan not to.

Its good to know some things

Walked into work today only to find out that we'd been kicked out of the conference room that had been my project team's den for the past month. Apparently they did not need to explain to us why we were temporarily shifted to a room thats only thats just about bigger than the size of my kitchen back home. But I should say the only thing I am complaining about is the fact that now my supervisor can lean back and get a full view of all the non-value added (for the lack of a better term) activities I perform, like killing time on Facebook, Gmail, Google News and the sports websites. The key words to note here are "killing time". Yes! I have a lot of time that I can kill and I'm putting it to good use by basically thinking about Nothing. Mark Gungor explains in his talk "Tale of two brains" about how men are completely capable of having nothing on their mind from time to time.

Being fond of psychology, I've always been fascinated by how people think, even though I don't understand it a lot of times. It just does not make sense to me how people make some decisions in life, particularly women! You can safely term them as the unexplainable species and get away with just a stare from them, because frankly, they know it themselves that they cannot predict their own moves in different scenarios. Although I do know they are unpredictable, I still take up the challenge of trying to figure out how they think, knowing very well that its a losing cause. The main reason why I do this is because there is no fun in doing something if you know you are going to win. On the other hand, there is a lot of excitement in playing a game when you know you'll keep getting better each time, even though you're going to eventually lose it.

So I begun this dangerous game somewhere halfway through my undergrad studies. At first, I was able to predict the moves of some of the girls I knew. I could even guess what they were thinking about the people around them. But soon I started second-guessing myself and realized that my initial success was predominantly due to beginners luck. But I would not deter from my motivation to pursue the ever-elusive female thought process and I should say I have learnt a lot of things over the past few years. The learning has included lessons on how men react when it comes to women and how they perceive relationships that women have with the people around them.

A few things that could help men when they're handling some situations with women include the following:

1) If you feel a girl and a guy are so close that something could be going on in between them (clarification for all dirty minds: i mean feelings for each other), then be rest assured that something surely is going on! Do not try to assume anything else, because you're probably wrong.

2) If you think you can give advise to a girl who has feelings for someone, please back off and live your life. Do not try to provide any advise, since all you would be doing is stepping into a Tsunami like the one that hit Japan- you'll end up feeling like a house or truck hit you from behind!

3) If you think you can give advise to girls who are just out of relationships/break-ups, be sure to tread a careful path, because you never know when your advise hits the Recycle bin and when her feelings for the guy are Restored back to the Desktop.

4) If you are not a ladies man, please do not try to pick out a gift for the girls without the advise of one, or you'd probably end up disappointed.

Just realized that writing a blog makes me look like I am doing work. So, I shall stop my list of advises for today so that I can write more in the coming days at work. Feels good to have a blog entry after more than 6 months.

PS: I am ready for your smiles (men) and stares (women) now.